Thursday, July 12, 2007

Curve Ball

Isn't life peculiar, it is just like that Phish song, Birds of a Feather..."It's easy sometimes when you just coast along, but like it or not something always seems to go wrong." This was so completely true for me today and I won't even get into it, but life through me a few curve balls and I have to say thank gosh lately I have been making a conscious effort not to allow my emotions to control my behavior. I have to surrender to my emotions, because they will ultimately come and go without my control however I can decide how I will react and behave in situations. If one can take the time to be present in the moment and take a deep breath, and in that moment in time be aware of your self one can live a much more fulfilling life. Life throws curve balls not to upset you, but to challenge you and see what you have learned. You see it is one thing to read a book or watch a documentary, but to actually apply the lessons to life, then friend we have started to put the puzzle together. Another part of that song that I must comment on:

Like whippets they dance in a curly-queue dance
Of pulses and ringing and campfire chants
Of ritual drumming although at first glance
You thought you could run but you wont take a chance

Its not an experience if they cant bring someone along
They hang on emotions they bottle inside
They peck at the ground
And strut out of stride

These next three lines are so solid, they bring me to my favorite times with friends, that feeling I sometimes forget. But the fourth line and the next verse talk about something else in my interpretation. This talks about facing fear and thinking you can overcome this fear, but just won't leap out and take that chance. Then it goes on to mention experiences and that line is so true, it is such a bonding thing to go through the moment with another individual. This brings up a recent experience that I had. I will preface this by saying I am one of the most fortunate individuals on this planet because I have found a soul sister..a real, true best friend. So this past weekend we went to San Diego and saw WideSpreadPanic. To be honest the show wasn't event that dope, it was our quality time outside of the immediate venue area off on this side spot surrounded by rocks, streams and a few randoms. We were in our own world discussing our goals and visions of the future. IT was a sick moment. Then we saw a golf cart parked on the side of the casino with the key in the ingnition. Cary (Our solid homey from Portland, which I will post a pic of soon, total WSP head!), Shan, and I get in the cart and high tail it up a curb laughing hysterically. Ryan, her boyfriend..being the solid homey he is drove us back to the Solamar where we slammed some shots at the local pub!
Any way to finish this post I will comment on the last lines of that verse by saying when emotions are bottled up inside fear is always at the root and until we can separate these fears one by one (dividing to conquer) we will then be on our way to clearing the cobwebs to "true self". I am so stoked I found this whole blogger deal...it is all new to me, but very fulfilling. Good Night!
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5 comments:

benjionblack said...

The first time I heard "Mr. Wendell," I had just graduated from UCSB and I was on an adventure of a lifetime hitch-hiking all over Europe with three core bros that to this day stand taller and shine brighter than any other alleged bro I have ever met (with a coupla exceptions of course). I remember, two of them had run out of money and, even worse, credit, and had flown home. So there were only 2 of us left. Guess where I wound up? You are pretty sharp.
I can still remember handing my credit card over, with a perma-smile, as the Amex office opened, asking, "I'd like 1000 guilders, please."
So afterward I walk into this coffee shop, or maybe it was Bob's hostel, where we would stay in these large rooms with a ridiculous number of bunkbeds, and it was here where I first heard these upbeat, positive, rap songs. Later, of course, I learn this new band's name is Arrested Development.
We used to have a few different contests that the four of us would compete in. There was the infamous ugly beard contest, crib tournaments, but the greatest of them all was the kindest nug rally. When there were four, each of us would head out in search of the most stanky dank to be found. Little Tough (LT- I coined it!) had been to Amste many times, and he led us to the blue ribbon of all coffee shops, The Blue Bird. This place I can talk about for hours. But I do not think it was the establishment where I first heard Mr. Wendell. And now that I think of it, I don't think it was where I trumped his Shaman with the Poison to take the crown two months later either- a place called Picasso Green. Those 2 crazy cousins would always put in "Wish You Were Here," and the time would just melt by. I'd sip on my fresh squeezed OJ and hand pick my nugs from their inventory. Not to sound too cheesy, but those guys loved me. Shit. They would hand me the bag and I would do the rest.
But, like I was saying, I don't think this is where I first heard A.D.
I'm going with my hunch. It was Bob's hostel. Me and my buddy would burn hours playing chess, sipping Amstels (not amstel light-amstel), Heine's and eating very little. The girls that worked the desk also turned me onto Miles Davis' last CD. Have you ever heard "Do Wop?" I'll burn you a copy if you want. (I want to burn you some sick, old-school reggae as well- Dennis Brown, Gregory Isaacs, Israel Vibration et. al.). I still have that A.D. CD as well.
I think I'm shaking this fear thing. Hope you are having fun with a big grin on your face!!

Now about yesterday's blog.

There is one thing that I am proud to say I learned at UCSB that I still hold dear to this day. So I ask you: why are stories written? Why are songs sung?
I want to hear what you think.

Since you have been so bold and fearless with me, I am going to try to get over my stumbling block and do the same.
Here are a few things about me that I cannot deny. First, I always do my best work (writing that is) at night. This is inter-related to another fact about me and that is, I do not respond or shine without pressure. This is why I would always wait til the last second to start my 6-8 page essay, or do anything.
I would return from class, tag a coupla ales and b's, and crash. I'd wake up at 11, shower, and fire up the espresso machine. I'd drink 2 quads, start shaking, take a b, and then I'd focus and it would then just come to me. This is why I am writing to you so late. (It's also because I have been busy at work cleaning out my dad's garage so he can negotiate the path to the extra freezer when he gets out on Mon. I found some of my mom's paintings from the '50's and I just fell apart. There were other memntos as well). I also stay up late to write because, when I look out the window at night, it's dark, and I can't make much out. We are always led to the familiar. I think Dr. Melfi said that.
What movie does the line, "I think I'm getting The Fear," come from? You either know it or you don't. It's a classic. I hope you got it! It doesn't have anythng at all to do with what I have been blathering about, either.
Have you ever seen "The Big Lebowski?" This also has nothin at all to do with what I am talking about, save the inside joke.
So I guess what I am saying is that I don't fear not knowing if anybody can read this, or just you, or not, anymore. I am not an open book, but I can try.

July 14, 2007 at 2:50 AM
Rawstagirl/Lioness/The Dodhisattva said...

Sounds super sick, great adventures. I believe that people write and sing to express truth. It is a mental release and one can organize their head by getting it out there. I enjoy old school izzy vibes and greg isaacs. I dont believe i know the miles davis tune right off, neither the movie quote. It is hard for me to concentrate and actually watch a whole movie.
I enjoyed my time in Europe, but mine was a bit more structured, yours sound more like an adventure, which is solid as hell. I remember hearing Wish you were here in the middle of a rainbow gathering in Idaho at this old guy's campfire that I stumbled upon while in an irie state. He was cooking a huge pot of some hot soup. I like organizing my garage:)

July 14, 2007 at 4:48 PM
benjionblack said...

One of my true heroes at UCSB, the late, and great, Professor Frank Mc Connell boiled it down to these words, "stories save lives." He used to cite Quadrophenia as an inspiration that saved his.
This guy was a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, clown of a loadie that would pretty much lecture off the top of his head to a packed Campbell Hall crowd of 900.
When I used to open the pub at 11AM every Thurs and Fri., he would always be the first guy in line. I'd always say, "hey, Frank" and he'd say, "good morning, gorgeous." He'd also say, "fuckit. I've got tenure!"
Cheers to Frank.
Stories, songs, give us hope to survive the human condition.
He'd go with Kafka on the definition of a great book. He'd remind us that, "a great book is like an axe that cracks the ice from within." Pretty smart dude.
The quote from the movie was "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas." Johnny Depp was Hunter and Benicio Del Toro played his attorney. When they had too much, too fast and began to freak out, one would say to the other, "I think I'm getting the fear, man." Crazy, outrageous shit. Over the top excess.
Thanks for commenting on my blurb. Didn't know I was supposed to re-check the comments.
Garage looking killer.
My neighbor Dan stopped by with a coupla beers. His wife is slurring on white wine already. She's classic. They invited me to a BBQ, but I still have more garage, etc., to dial. The Tecate is ice cold though.

July 14, 2007 at 8:07 PM
Rawstagirl/Lioness/The Dodhisattva said...

So solid, I am thankful you shared that with me about your professor, thanks for being so kind and sharing your knowledge. Last night a friend took me to an unreal barbeque spot. Dude, this place had the mac and cheese that you ate as a kid and barbeque like back in the southeast! I was in heaven, they even had fresh pies with icecream. Ciao

July 15, 2007 at 7:50 AM
benjionblack said...

I've never been to the southeast! N'awlins is as far as I've gone. I've never been to the northeast either. In fact I've only been to the east coast once, and that's where the rest of my family lives.
How far north have you been in Cali?

July 15, 2007 at 10:47 AM

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